I’ve been on mat leave for 5 months (oh my God, already?!) now, and some funny things are happening. I realized this when Mr. Awesome and I had a big argument over seemingly nothing. I now know what caused it. It was me.
When working, I am the marketing manager for a non-profit organization. I love my job and it keeps me very busy…most of the time too busy, but it usually stays within that 9-5 time frame. My door is almost always open and I’m called upon to make a lot of decisions each day, some little and some important, but most fast and action-oriented.
While on leave, my decision making power has been fairly limited to menu planning, taking diaper inventory, potty training our 2yr old and of course, anything to do with the gym or Weight Watchers. When working, I make all of these decisions ON TOP of the decisions I have to make at work. My brain is pretty full most of the time. And yes, I’m a bit of a control freak.
A couple of months ago we had a tree transplanted from Mr. Awesome’s parents’ place to our house. This seems pretty simple, right? Their house had been sold and the closing date had come and gone and we still needed to get the tree moved. Yes, there were some weather issues that delayed the gardeners, but soon the weather was fine and still…nothing. Mr. Awesome had been the main contact for the gardeners, so I was leaving it up to him to get it done. This started to slowly kill me, one sunny day at a time. It began to consume me. How hard a concept was it? Pick up the phone and arrange it. They didn’t call back? Call them again. They didn’t show when they said they would? Call them again. The project manager in me was screaming out for action and yes, that may have resulted in a wee bit of nagging. I may have complained once or twice (a day) that they STILL hadn’t shown up and WHEN was he going to call them?
I didn’t fully realize what I was doing, I assume because I was all-consumed by the frustrating inactivity and not having any power to make something happen. Yes, I could have called the gardeners myself, but I didn’t want them to
know think I was a nagging bitch. That privilege was reserved for my husband until the day he blew up at me and let me in on the little secret. No, he didn’t call me a nagging bitch, but he did point out just how stressed I was getting over a TREE.
Ooooh, can’t pass this one up: I couldn’t see the forest for the tree. Wow, my brain really is turning to mush. I digress.
I have since learned to let go (a little) of my need to occupy my brain with plans and decisions 100% of the time. I do worry a little about when the time comes to return to work, but I’m not going to let that worry consume me. Yet.