So a year ago (actually a year and 12 days ago – oops), I signed up with Blogger and started this blog. I had never blogged before and didn’t know much about the “blogosphere,” the incredible community that exists out there on the Internet. The amazing people I’ve connected with – bloggers, readers, followers, friends – have made me better. A better writer, a better mom, a better wife, a better person.

I called the blog Finding My Weigh because a large part of this blog has been about my weight loss journey. Making the process public made a huge difference to my success, keeping me accountable to myself and my readers who were looking to me for inspiration. I never felt I had to only post about successes, because the very act of admitting I was struggling brought me closer to others. We could share the challenges and celebrate the successes when they did happen.

And speaking of challenges…

This past week has been extremely challenging, being at a work conference centered in a hotel with seemingly never-ending food. Literally, every time we left the session rooms for breaks there would be a huge array of pastries, breads, and yummy treats. The lunches they served were fairly healthy, but right next to the lunch buffet was always THE most ridiculous display of desserts, mostly cakes. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
Not to mention the fact that I was jet-lagged and busy the whole week so my good intentions of going to the gym every day turned into only going twice. Yes, that’s still decent, but I was sitting most of the day and really needed that physical activity. Unfortunately the excuses were coming fast and furious and I wasn’t very good at fighting them off.

I am currently on the plane on my way home. I feel fat. I have been congested and feeling “off” all week because of the hotel’s air conditioning. I know I’m coming close to that lovely time of the month, but I cannot explain away the bloated, puffy feeling with these excuses. I am pretty sure I gained at least five pounds. The problem with gaining such an intimate understanding of my weight and body is that I have immediate, very real feedback on my poor choices. (Actually, I guess that’s not really a problem!) My jeans aren’t as loose as they were. My waist isn’t as flat as it was this time last week. I made fairly smart choices most of the time, eating smaller portions and lots of veggies, while watching others eat pastries, slather butter on buns, take two servings of dessert at every meal, etc. But I wasn’t as good or as on track as I could have been.

A few months after starting Weight Watchers, something went “click.” I came to the realization that I will have to live and eat mindfully, consciously, every day for the rest of my life if I want to stay in this new body. I can get lazy and go back to the way I lived before, but I know that pretty quickly I would be in a body I wasn’t happy with. It almost feels like I forgot that realization for a few days, or at least ignored it.

I have had trouble finding time to blog lately, unable to manage my time to make it a priority. I can’t help feeling that there is a correlation between my not writing and my lack of will power this past week. Blogging keeps me honest. My readers keep me honest. And I obviously need that on a regular basis to stay on track.

I dread getting on the scale tomorrow morning but I will do it. I’m looking forward to getting back to “normal” food, and regular exercise. And feeling better in my body.

And blogging. I’m looking forward to blogging. A year and twelve days ago I started something really amazing. I’m certainly not touting my success as a blogger, saying that I’m amazing at what I do. What IS amazing is the connection I’ve made with others, and the self-awareness I’ve gained through sharing my thoughts and experiences. Blogging has truly changed my life.

Thank you for sharing this with me. Whether you’ve been around for the last 377 days or just started reading today, thank you.

Wish me luck on that scale.