I need to buy a plane. This is the only way I can figure that we will be able to transport everything we need for our upcoming trip to Maui. With a five month old and a three year old we are in a challenging “stuff” phase. Luckily our timeshare provides a playpen for the little miss to sleep in and the little man sleeps fine in a full sized bed, but we do need a large assortment of items – everything from play mat to potty seat.

Not to mention Mr. Awesome’s snorkeling gear. Last time we were in Hawaii he “invested” in some pretty decent gear, rationalized by the cost of rentals multiplied by the number of trips to snorkel-friendly destinations over our lifetime. Savings – 1. Room in my suitcase – 0.

The last time we went to Hawaii was when the little man was 14 months old. This was also the last time he was on a plane. We figured we were “blessed” by the fact that he wasn’t yet walking, making his desire to roam significantly more manageable. If only that had been the issue. Our departure was delayed by about 45 minutes, and for some reason they didn’t turn on the air conditioning as we sat in the stuffy plane waiting to leave. The little man’s cheeks got rosier by the minute. He had a bottle as we took off to help alleviate the pressure on his ears. He then downed a large jar of toddler mush. We figured we were home free and envisioned a nice, relaxing flight while he lay in his food-induced coma.

Not quite. He did indeed fall asleep pretty much immediately after take-off. One hour into the six hour flight, it became quickly apparent that all was not well. Fast forward 20 minutes. All three of us are covered in regurgitated toddler mush and spreading a foul smell throughout the cabin. I got the worst of it and Mr. Awesome escaped fairly unscathed. Being the good parents we were, we had packed a change of clothes for our little darling. But for ourselves? Nothing. I was covered in vomit and I DID NOT HAVE A CHANGE OF CLOTHES. I completely rinsed my shirt, but had nothing to change into. I was stuck in a smelly and soaking wet ensemble for another five hours. The flight attendant, adhering to the fantastic customer service that Air Canada is famous for, stood by and did nothing. Not even the offer of a $6 blanket.

Needless to say, we will be traveling with extra clothing for all of us. This will take some creativity, because with all the air travel restrictions being implemented daily, carry-on allowances have been reduced (literally) to the size of a piece of paper. We’re pretty much screwed. I have to figure out a way to fit diapers, wipes, receiving blankets, cloths, baby toys, toddler toys, snacks, netbook loaded with movies, colouring books, clothing for four people, and, and, and, and, and, and…

This is why I need to buy a plane. All our stuff will fit, and I won’t get the pitying/annoyed/disgusted looks for filling the economy section with noxious fumes.

Really, it’s the perfect plan. It’s foolproof.