This post will make a whole lot more sense if you’ve read the earlier post, This Lawn Will Be My Bitch.

I vowed a few months ago to make our lawn my bitch. It had been decimated by construction but I had dreams of a lush, green carpet fronting our property and BY GOD I was going to make it happen. This pathetic, patchy mess would bow down before my gardening prowess, my giant green thumb if you will, and grow into something my dad would have been proud of. It had a way to go, as you can see here:

Okay, so it had a hell of a long way to go, but I was not to be deterred. Yes, it was embarrassing when neighbours walked by and there I was “mowing” the few patches that were actually showing through. I could sense, well actually I could plainly see, their pitying looks as they watched an obviously delusional woman seeding, fertilizing, and seeding again in the hopes of coaxing SOMETHING out of the ground. It’s like I have a third child, and I am an overbearing stage mom. I’m a little obsessed.

There was one day in particular where I went a little over the edge. I knew a few days of rain were coming. The growth that was there needed mowing and I also wanted to aerate and reseed the patchy parts before the rain arrived. I completed the mowing and moved on to the aerating. Now, I am not a gardener by any stretch of the imagination. Put that together with the fact that I can only convince Mr. Awesome to spend so much on gardening equipment at a time, and sometimes I have to get creative. We don’t have an aerator, but I was sure this was what was needed to save my sad little lawn. Necessity is the mother of insanity invention, so I took an old metal rake and started plunging its teeth into the hard earth in an attempt to break it up a bit. Over and over I whacked the ground, confident that this would do whatever the hell aerating is supposed to do. I really must have looked like a crazy person, but that was nothing compared to what came next.

It started to rain a little. The patchiest parts of the lawn are along the front curb (thanks to the district municipality road crew) and under the large cedar tree on the side. Most of the work was to be done under the tree, so I was fairly protected from the rain. I managed to get the whacking done to my satisfaction and then started on the grass seed. It started to rain harder, and I was quickly running out of space under my cedar umbrella. I ventured out from under my shelter and proceeded to seed along the front curb.

That’s when it started to hail. It was me against Mother Nature but I was not going to stop. Once you’re soaked through, what does it really matter? I had a LAWN to seed, people! Students from the nearby highschool were sprinting by on their way home, trying to outrun the raindrops, but that didn’t mean they didn’t have time to slow down and stare at the crazy lady seeding her lawn in a hailstorm.

All this hard work and insanity has paid off. The lawn is looking great. I AM A GARDENING GODDESS.

When I first started working on this, I vowed I would make my lawn my bitch. Oh, she’s a bitch alright. Yes, my lawn is flourishing and looks awesome. Yes, our neighbours are constantly commenting on how great it looks. But my bitchy, gorgeous lawn grows FAST. I go away for two days and she’s grown three inches. She requires almost constant maintenance, with mowing at least twice a week. She’s taken all my hard work and actually DONE WHAT I WANTED HER TO DO.

How dare she. Doesn’t she know that as the mother of a three year old I’m not used to ANYONE doing what I want? How am I supposed to handle this type of obedience?!