Every month my emotions and my body go into a battle to the death. I have always been an emotional eater, a bored eater…and every month around the same time, I start to notice that I want to snack all. the. time. I finish one snack and I’m immediately jonesing for another fix of sweet or salty goodness. At this same time my body starts to get all bloaty and I start to freak out that I’m losing control of everything I worked for.

I didn’t have these same cravings when I was on my journey to weight loss, so what the heck is going on now?! I’m panicking that the old Gillian is trying to make a comeback.

Old habits die hard. That’s not just a saying because it’s catchy. 34 years of building one set of habits cannot be completely erased by one year of better choices. Every now and then, and yes, usually once a month, the old Gillian rears her not-so-lean face and wants to eat everything in sight.

I knew when I started the process that I would have to make conscious decisions every day of my life if I wanted to stay in the body I had achieved. But after a year you get a little lazy, a little complacent and I’m BORED of making those same decisions. I want to EAT!

Sorry, that was the old Gillian. I have now squashed her back down for the moment and will choose the better road.

It’s not like the old me wants ice cream for breakfast, but when Mr. Awesome brought home strawberry and rhubarb pie last night, HELL YES I had a piece. And as Weight Watchers will tell you, that’s fine, as long as you have eaten accordingly for the rest of the day, or you have your extra weekly points left. Blah blah blah. (Shut up, old Gillian!) Lately I’m thinking less about points and more about the deliciousness of that second 100-calorie snack. Of course then it becomes a 200-calorie snack and that pretty much defeats the purpose of pre-portioned snacking.

A colleague told me the other day that the Vancouver Canucks play “Whistle to Whistle.” They only focus on the next immediate goal, the next 30 seconds, the next play. I am making a resolution here and now that when the old Gillian tries to grab an extra snack, I will play whistle to whistle, until the urge subsides. It’s a great mantra and I will recite it to myself to get through the temptation.

I may not be bigger than the old me, but I’m definitely stronger and I will win.

Just like the Canucks. GO CANUCKS GO! (Sorry, it had to be said. Game 1 is tonight.)