Over the last ten years or so, up until November 2009 when the little miss was born, I had progressively been getting heavier. I eventually topped out at 230lbs, before getting pregnant.

I never knew what “those last five pounds” meant. I mean, yes, logically I understood the concept, but it was completely foreign to me. It was more like “the last seventy pounds” and once I got going I didn’t look back. There was no yo-yo-ing, no backward movement on my journey to my goal.

Until now.

In just 2 weeks it will be one year since the day I reached my goal. Since I returned to work last October it has been getting more and more challenging to get to the gym, and lately my eating habits haven’t been what they once were.

Being a Lifetime Member of Weight Watchers means you have to weigh in at least once a month, and if you remain within two pounds of your goal weight (plus or minus), you don’t have to pay the fee. I have weighed in every single month and thus far have not had to pay.

Every month it’s been a bit of a game, watching my at-home scale each week and trying to figure out when to head to a meeting. It’s cheating the system, really, and last month I almost didn’t go.

This is not who I worked so hard to be. And working hard is really what it’s all about. My success really began when I realized that I would have to work hard for the rest of my life to maintain this body. But somewhere along the way I started to slip. I started to resent the hard work.

I love the workouts, that hasn’t changed. But finding the time to workout is HARD. Mr. Awesome has been travelling for work a lot over the last six months and we can’t afford to pay the sitter for any longer than the time I’m at work. The little man is at an age where exercising when he’s around isn’t exactly practical. I can still get out for a walk with the little miss in the stroller when he’s occupied elsewhere, but those opportunities don’t come around very often. And yes, I have attempted my Biggest Loser DVD workouts once the kids are finally in bed, but when they wake me up at 5:30am every day it’s pretty much the last thing in the world I have energy for in the evenings.

So now I’m facing the very real possibility that I will reach my one year anniversary and be over my goal weight. I feel awful. It will only be a couple of pounds, but I FEEL awful. I want to feel like I did at my “leanest.” I now know what “those last five or ten pounds” means. Far too well.

I’ve talked to my mum about helping me make the time, coming over to sit with the kids for an hour so I can get to the gym, or hanging with the little man so I can take the stroller and get out for a walk. I’ve talked to Mr. Awesome about it too, but his travel schedule hasn’t allowed to even put a plan in place, let alone start one.

I think this is why I haven’t blogged in such a long time. I didn’t want to admit that I wasn’t managing as well as I had been. But that’s ridiculous. People that have gone through a weight loss KNOW it’s challenging, and people that are currently working through it need to know they’re not alone in the occasional set back. So why would I hide that?

I’ve just called my mum and she’s coming over in a few minutes so I can head out for a walk/jog. It’s raining and I’m exhausted, but I’m going.

In 14 days I will reach my one year anniversary and I want to CELEBRATE that milestone.

So off I go.