My whole family is currently sleeping which is the only way this will ever get written, so I have to do it fast. I’ll try and tend to typos but apologies in advance if they happen.

I’m sure some people are afraid that my last post, Potty Training #2, and its ensuing aftermath buried me in poop and rendered me unable to blog ever again. This was indeed almost the case, but I clawed my way out and have found a smidgen of time to get back to writing. Here’s the brief rundown on my last 2.5 weeks.

There is an actual condition (I Googled it) called “Toddlers Diarrhea”, caused by your little darling drinking too much juice. Ninety percent of the time we give the little man less than an inch of juice in his cup and top up the rest with water, but SOMEWHERE (cough, cough, grandparents, cough) he got his hands on the good stuff.

It was pretty nasty there for a while. I’m ashamed to admit it, but the little man is now back in Pull-Ups, or as we call them “underpants”. While he now sees the benefits of pooping on the potty, his three-year old logic was just no match for his explosive bowel. Luckily he doesn’t seem to grasp the difference between the Pull-Ups and regular underwear, so we haven’t had the major setback I was fearing.

Two weeks later we’re completely juice-free, and he’s totally accustomed to water only. We have just reintroduced yogurt and milk (“they” recommended limiting dairy for a while) and thank goodness things are shaping up (literally) a bit. I think we will be back in underwear soon, given that grenades are much easier to deal with than…I’ll spare you the description.

The poop issues are just part of why I’ve been AWOL from blogging. The little man seems to be into everything right now, and won’t sit still for a minute. He’s always been really good at keeping himself entertained when necessary, but lately the entertainment he’s pursuing has me pulling my already hormonally-challenged hair out. He’s at the sink splashing water, he’s climbing bookcases, he’s knocking over dressers, he’s spraying Folex all over his room… (In a not-so-awesome move, Mr. Awesome left it out where the little man could get it. Thank God it’s non-toxic.) Not to mention the fact that the little miss is almost six months old now and getting very excited about what the world has to offer!

Then of course there is the pursuit of my weight loss goal. Mr. Awesome is indeed awesome when it comes to giving me time to go to the gym. I’m now down 36.6lbs and hope to reach 40lbs by the time we get home from vacation.

That’s the other reason I’ve been away…I’ve been away. Don’t hate me, but I’m writing this from Maui. It’s our first real trip since the little miss arrived and as primarily road-trip travelers we don’t pack light. It required a hell of a lot of planning and prep work to get the four of us here and I still forgot the little man’s toothbrush.

It’s been a great trip so far, with the exception of the whining. It seems that when the little man is out of his comfort zone the whining gets worse. Not all the time, but a lot of it. Yes, he’s only three and yes, the time change wreaked havoc with his sleep schedule for a few days, but COME ON, we’re on vacation!! Doesn’t he realize there’s no whining in paradise??

He reminds me of Joey in the Friends episode where they went to London and he missed everything about America and kept talking fondly about home. Our little homebody keeps listing the things we have at home. “Crayons…at home. Movies…at home. Books…at home.” (We brought all these things with us.) Even though we brought half our house with us to Hawaii, it would apparently all be much better at home.

Whining aside, we are having a fantastic time. I will try and find some time to write about the trip in the next few days, now that I’ve brought you all up to date. For those of you that were truly worried about my welfare, thank you and I love you. For those of you that didn’t notice, no big deal. For those of you that actually hoped I had been buried in poop, why did you read this post all the way to the end?